Empowered Monkeys

I was sitting cross-legged at the edge of a huge boulder; the constant murmur of the waterfall behind me, and the dimming light of dusk, made the spot ideal for meditation.

Perhaps it was the divine nature of the mountain valley, my particular mindset at the moment, or the fact that I was finally relaxing after the long hike, but I suddenly entered a deep state of meditation. I could even control it by opening and closing my eyes, allowing me to go in and out of it, choosing to focus more on certain thoughts and memories.

I reviewed my recent and not so recent past. The memories were intense, loaded with emotion. I thought about my ex partner, the pure love she had professed upon me, and all the harm that I had done -to her, and to myself-. All the excesses and mindless escapism. The existentialist self destructive ego. Powerful and destructive enough to raise hell, yet silly as a child's whim. So many wild nights, endless, mindless repetition. Oh, the repetition...

I thought about my family and friends, about all that I had left behind. I didn't regret my decision: the new experiences were worth it. 

For a moment, everything was so clear! I could look at my deep self and cut through the layers and cobwebs, the rationalizations and the self-lies, the masks and the armor. I could exit the maze and find clarity. Clarity of concepts, clarity about attitudes and behaviors, patterns and the reasons-why. Clarity about other souls and how they were affected by my actions.

I carefully opened my eyes. The view from the waterfall course into the valley was perfect. In front of me at close distance, a pine covered hill sloped down in a 45 degree angle; behind it, in the far background, the snow covered Himalayas were becoming more visible as the clouds playfully dissipated around them. A very soft dusk light bathed the scene. It was perfect and I tried to absorb it all. I closed my eyes.

I was at another crossroads, or rather, another turn towards the direction of my destiny. Destiny, what a word... Of course, I didn't believe in destiny. But as time passed by I became more and more convinced that destiny believed in me. Asia tends to do this to people.

Plans had to change one more time, now that the double-edged blade of love had cut in my direction. What would I do next, where would I roam? The need to be in close contact with nature while avoiding the concrete jungle clashed in my mind: what was I waiting for, to be where I wanted to be? Still... the exploring phase wasn't over.

I opened my eyes again. The edgy outline of the snowy peaks in front of me was drawn by the clear skies behind it. I noticed how the sky looked brighter now, as nighttime steadily began to set in, making the foreground darker. A lone star shone over the mountain range. I almost felt vertigo from the openness around me. I didn't move. Eyes close, dive again.

I realized that a particular teaching I had received was probably true. We have to forgive our parents for all the mistakes they made, and love them. This paramount of letting go is key for peace of mind. For lightness of mind luggage. But it wasn't easy. It never is. In a similar way I was almost convinced that happiness is an every day battle and there is no epiphany or magic realization, there are no shortcuts. It's like being aware, it really takes a lot of energy and effort. Control the mind...

I used some time during the meditation to send my loving energies to my father, my mother, my sister. Really focusing on it. I like to believe that the efforts of those few lonely monks who dedicate their life to the attempt of achieving enlightenment, and use some of their meditation time to spread good energies all around the world, to try to ease suffering and to inspire world leaders into a little more humanity, that those efforts are not in vain.

Slowly, I opened my eyes. My buddy had walked over towards the edge of the boulder. I looked down at him, I could barely distinguish his face. It would be night soon. It was time to go. I asked for a few more minutes time to come out of it and climb down the rock. My attempt to re enter the meditative state one last time failed: I couldn't do it knowing I was supposed to go. 

I slowly started to climb down. I played with my hands on the surface of the rock, sliding them through it. I could feel its texture and its temperature, the porosity of the rock, the little lichens and mosses growing on it, all with great detail.

I love this place and time.